I have learned that as you make your way through life, there are cycles of times when you feel like you have it all figured out and at other times you couldn’t feel more lost.
For the last month or two, I have been excessively anxious. I was absolutely terrified to return to work after three months of maternity leave. I didn’t know how Grae would handle a daycare situation. I was unsure how I would be able to adjust to lesson planning, teaching, and being a mommy at the same time. I didn’t know if I had the strength to deal with any unforeseen crises that always tend to arise during already stressful situations.
Typically, I would advise anyone with these feelings to prioritize and cut down on the number of daily tasks in order to do the important things well instead of doing everything half heartedly.
But, instead, I did exactly the opposite.
I signed up for another semester of Ph.D. school, I put our name back on the list to foster children, I started a workout program, we moved a four year old boy into our home, and I decided that now is as good of a time as any to start piloting a new science program at work.
And the results?
I’ve been in this foreign, yet wonderful place where I feel like all the right answers are falling into my lap, and even though our lives are crazier than they ever have been, I’m feeling more and more confident each day. I have less time to sit and stew about all of the things that I need to accomplish the next day and instead I focus on what needs to get done today. I’m sleeping better than I have for over a year now (who can say that with a 3 month old baby?!) and I feel like, together, we have gotten so good at this new “hectic” life, that it is starting to feel just like an every day routine. The most unexpected result is that I have more time in my day now than I did before. I believe that in trying to deal with my nervousness and anxiety, I was spending a lot of time “decompressing” in front of the T.V.-or the bath, or any number of other unproductive places, which in turn, just made less time to do things and more time for me to dwell on all those lovely things that had my mind going a mile a minute every minute of the day.
With each new undertaking, I’m made more aware of the phenomenal support system I have in my husband and parents. I know my feelings would be very different if it wasn’t for the three of you. I love you all and can’t thank you enough for supporting me through all of the insanity. 😉
I’m sure I will soon cycle back to the stage of life where I question every decision I have made, so I’m just going to live it up for the short time that it lasts- but I wanted to share my new coping strategy, because for right now- it is working wonders. 😉