Big Steps

I have been a little hesitant to write publicly about the recent developments with the adoption, but we can now safely share that, after an excruciating 8.5 hour long trial, biological parental rights have successfully been terminated!!!  That is HUGE. More than huge, it is everything.

As I sat in that court room and listened to hour after hour of testimony, I have never been more terrified. The logical part of my brain knew that there was no other option but termination, but the other part kept asking- “What if!?”  Our witnesses were not allowed to share anything that RJ has disclosed to us.  They had to only rely on their expert opinions. What if the judge did not or could not hear what they weren’t directly saying?  What if she gave those people yet ANOTHER chance?!  We all prayed, held hands, and tried to have faith in our system. In humanity.

Toward the end of the trial, our attorney warned that after closing statements were made, the judge would take the information and deliberate- and we would be emailed her order when she makes her decision.  It could be a few more weeks.  Oh my god.

But she didn’t deliberate.  She didn’t need any extra time.  She looked him right in the eye and said “My decision has been made with the best interest of the child in mind.  It is unfortunate, sir, that you were not able to care for this child.  He is to remain in his current home.  Custody is awarded to the State of Georgia.”   She went on to advise him to make a profile for himself on the adoption registry, in case one day his son wants to find him.  She told him that he should start making something of himself, so, if and when his son comes to him, he’ll have a story that his son will want to hear.

WOW. There were no words. Just tears.

He looked at me, told me he knows that his son is very loved and well taken care of, and asked me to always take care of him.


The rest is paperwork. We will still be on pins and needles until we have that paperwork signed and in our hand, but it should be (in the words of RJ himself) “easy peasy, lemon squeezey” from here on out.

We were told it will all be finalized between early fall and Christmas.

We are all on cloud nine.

And we are SO THANKFUL for all the thoughts and prayers you have sent our way.


We have had a lot of talks about forever in our home the last few months.  Forever is a concept that five year olds are not supposed to understand… hell, its hard for me to wrap my brain around ‘forever’.  However, when our wise-beyond-his-years little boy is asked where he wants his forever home to be, he very clearly says, “DUH!  With my FAMILY!”  When asked who his family is, he again, without hesitation, blurts out, “My Mommy, Daddy, and my baby brother Grae!” Nobody can say this kid doesn’t know what he wants (or how to advocate for himself! ;))

But, why then, must the process be so long and so full of stress and angst?  We have been fighting for him for close to a year, and we are still playing the waiting game for paperwork to be filed to hurry this process along.  I wish so much that he could just get some closure.  The night terrors (that have now started happening in the middle of the day) are more than a little hard to watch.

Now, don’t get me wrong-

Adoption is a wonderful gift, and I’m a firm believer that parenting doesn’t begin in the womb. Parenting begins when you meet the child you will devote your time, self and energy to. Whoever that child may be. Wherever that child may come from.


Whoever’s eyes that child gazes at you with.


Because at the end of the day, we will get to wipe the tears from those eyes – whatever color they may be.


And I’m so excited to be a part of this miracle.

I just wish all these policies, practices, and red tape would be overlooked in the best interest of the child… I desperately want to be able to look him square in the eye and tell him, without a doubt, that he is ours and we are his… FOREVER… and nothing or nobody will ever change that.