Letters to Grae

Dear Grae,

Today is my last day of maternity leave with you and I have so many mixed feelings flying around my head.  I feel guilty and sad that I am going back to work and we won’t be able to spend every single minute together anymore (well, at least for the next 13 weeks, then we have summer vacation to look forward to 🙂 ).  However, deep down, I believe that it is the right decision for both of us.

Someday, when you are grown and raised (and not a minute before), I want us to be real friends.  I want you to know me, the real me, the person I was before I had you, and the person who you have helped me become.  The second I found out I was pregnant with you, I wanted to quit my job and forget all my other interests, so I could devote ALL of my time and attention to you.  Last summer, when you were in my belly, I wanted to do nothing more than sit on the couch and wait to feel my belly move with your precious kicks.  Now, as my maternity leave is coming to an end, I want to do nothing but push the slow motion button, and spend every last second with you in my arms, cuddling in our special spot on the couch.

But, I’ve come to the realization that abandoning everything that makes me who I am is probably not completely healthy.

When you are an adult, I want you to know that I am not just your mom (which is by far the best, most important, proudest part of me), but also a real person. I hope that you will always need your Mommy, but if that’s ALL I am, I would be terrified you might eventually “grow out of” that.  As you grow, I want us to grow together.  I want us to explore each other’s passions, teach each other new things, and support each other while we achieve our dreams.

Today, we are singing lullabies and changing dirty diapers, tomorrow we will be conquering the world.

I love you,

Mommy

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