Why would we take a picture of the innocent baby bump with the hammerless, safety-less, 38 Special, you ask?? Well, I’ll let Ian tell you…
While on our tour of the hospital, somewhere in between her explanations of circumcision and using a nail file instead of bitting off our newborn’s tiny fingernails, the kind, old nurse informed us that there were a few additional things to consider. Without disturbing the informative pace and tone of the tour, she told us that the bassinet for our newborn will be placed in the small area between the hospital bed and the window, as far from the door as possible. Hmmm, this begged the question, “Why is that, you kind, old knowledgable woman?”
IT IS TO PREVENT THE THEFT OF YOUR CHILD! AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THOSE CUTE “IT’S A BOY” BALLOONS TOO. OH YEA, AND CUT DOWN THE SHRUBS IN FRONT OF YOUR HOME AS TO ELIMINATE SUITABLE HIDING PLACES FOR WOULD BE KIDNAPPERS.. DUN DUN DUN!
Needless to say, Andrea’s face drained of its usual color and she looked back at me with eyes as big as saucers. She looked at me as if to say “Dizzle…. thats not really true right???? That old lady is just gearing up for All Hollows Eve, right???” The other “soon to be’s” on the tour laughed at her reaction. Even though this could truly be a reality of our time, I would not want to see the result of separating mamma Dre from her man cub. I’ve seen what happens when people cross the line. I can only tell you that she blacks out.
Oh my, my mom told me those same things about the shrubbery and no balloons, etc. Hahahaha.